Reflections at Three Years Post Celexa

Three years ago today I took my very last dose of Celexa after nearly two decades on various SSRI drugs, and after an initially very botched and then very long tapering journey. You can read more about my tapering and withdrawal journey here and here.

I actually forgot what day it was until nearly dinnertime, and I think this is beautifully representative of the hold that these drugs and withdrawal no longer has over me and my life. Today I am free.

My decision to come off psychiatric drugs was the most life-affirming choice I have ever made. The process and the journey of coming off was the most arduous, trying, and gritty thing I have ever done. It unrelentingly asked of me more than I ever imagined I could possibly give. Ultimately I am completely transformed.

Photo: Leela Ehrhart

My life today is certainly not perfect, but it is in many ways beautiful beyond my wildest dreams. It’s better than it ever was on any drug, or before. I am so grateful to my past self for not giving up. I am so grateful to my past self for finding the willingness and the courage, over and over again, to take honest stock of my life and of myself—to really look—and to change whatever was necessary to survive withdrawal, to find healing, and to LIVE fully in my own life—beauty, struggle, and all.

When I was taking Celexa and other SSRI drugs, I never imagined I would find myself where I am today. When I was in the thick of tapering and withdrawal, I never imagined I would find myself where I am today.

We who walk this road are so very brave and so very strong. I see you. Keep showing up and keep going, it gets better.